blood letting, lung symphonies & letting go

tomorrow they will take blood and listen to my lungs again, in preparation for my surgery on the 18th. at first i thought of asking a whole pile of questions based on the info i was given at my previous pre-admissions appointment (for the surgery that was cancelled due to my surgeon’s knee injury), but i decided i would just yield to the unexpected and let things unfold as they may. i have been told how i must prepare for the surgery: fasting, fleet enema and all that, so there’s really nothing to do now but wait and let things happen.

yesterday while the dental hygienist was cleaning my teeth, i experienced some pain, as i always do. for me the trick with pain is to surrender to it, not resist it. in this way, i relax, stop clenching my hands and focus on my breathing. i tell myself the moment will pass and it does.

since my health crisis, i have been applying the philosophy of surrender or letting go to living life. basically i have stopped worrying. the beauty of letting go of the need to control everything or make contingency plans for all possible eventualities is that i can focus on the moment, whether it is painful or joyous, it is one small unit of time and therefore not overwhelming. it is like looking thru a microscope or a telescope and concentrating on the cell or the star. you begin to notice things you’ve never seen before. i have learned to savour each moment.

 i know where the desire for control comes from. as a child, i saved to leave home from the time i was about 8 years old. my life was insecure and scary. i never knew when everything would change, including temperament of adults around me. i’ve had my suitcase packed all my life, ready to flee. i’ve finally stopped feeling that way. now i know that i can rely on my inner strength and the inner strength of those who i love and who love me to get us through. i know this because when my life almost ended, that is exactly what happened.

 lately i have wanted to give those around me a huge shake. i don’t mean to come across as arrogant or to dismiss the difficulties you are going through in life, but some of you, my dears, as we all are inclined to do,  are spending too much time focussing on what could go wrong and on the things you can’t control. please live now. let’s not waste the small amount of time we have here. soon enough, we’ll all be dust.

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2 Responses to “blood letting, lung symphonies & letting go”

  1. Pearl Says:

    glad you’re unpacking the suitcase.

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