life!

a year ago on this day i was fighting for my life on an operating table. miraculously…i pulled through. the doctors removed my colon; the operation took six hours, and somehow, i made it. i made it when all the odds were against me, when all the doctors were telling Charles the choices were death in ICU or death in surgery. and yet, i didn’t die. i’m here. i’m here.

tears. i cry, still out of fear that i almost didn’t make it, out of a kind of emphathetic grief for being lost to Charles and those who care about me. it’s very strange to have gone thru such a health crisis without really knowing i was going thru it at the time. and then to wake up and learn that i almost didn’t make it. overwhelming. mixed feelings of ebullience for having survived, the grieving feeling, and fear faced with confirmation that life is so damn fragile.

i have nothing but gratitude for my existence, for Charles, for my dear friends. all of the people who were sending me healing thoughts and prayers. for every taste, for every sunrise, for every annoying itch, for every sneeze, for every breath, for every moment shared with someone i love, i am grateful.

i am in love with being alive.

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2 Responses to “life!”

  1. Warren Says:

    I remember traveling back west, getting updates from Charles, almost turning around in Winnipeg, crying on the payphone from Calgary, feeling completely helpless, useless, empty & numb back home in Vancouver. I’m so happy you’re here, you’re here. I’m blessed to know you. LOVE W

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