facing new challenges

this afternoon i will be doing something i haven’t done since before i got sick: attending (and hosting) a poetry reading. i was always a tad nervous about these things, and that hasn’t changed. but now i’m faced with more than the usual set of challenges which include

navigating my way over to the reading on foot, including tackling some stairs;

possibly having to empty my ileostomy bag while ensconced in one of the tiny bathroom stalls at the venue without making a mess (pants around my ankles, dress above my waist);

socializing without overtiring myself;

dealing with hunger issues;

possibly having to leave before the rest of the event because of fatigue;

probably other things i haven’t even thought about yet…

i’m looking forward to the afternoon’s event though and while i am nervous about doing it, it’ll be great to see good friends and to hear the readings and music. i may not be able to stay for the whole afternoon, but i’ll do my best.

the main difficulty for me post-hospitalization is regaining my confidence. i’m starting to walk around pretty well, but haven’t yet done that on my own and i tend to tire quickly. i don’t have a lot of reserves.

Charles will be with me, thank goodness. he always has my best interests at heart. he even ordered ileostomy bags with filters so the bag doesn’t get all puffy and noticeable while i’m in public. i’m self conscious about it.

also, i lost quite a bit of weight while in hospital. apparently there were days when i wasn’t receiving any kind of food so they could empty my body of its poisons. so now my clothes are too big. if i could only show up in a nightgown (although even those are too big for me now).

it’s weird having to think about the outside world again. i’ve been cocooned at home since i got out of the hospital. but i know it’s time to reacquaint myself with the world. it seems overwhelming right now, but also something i want to do. especially poetry readings and seeing my friends because that’s something i really enjoy…i really enjoyed. i’m excited and a wee bit scared. not a bad state to be in.

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6 Responses to “facing new challenges”

  1. holly Says:

    I’m very proud of you. Take every bit of yourself and present it with pride. You are a fabulous and courageous woman and I am incredibly inspired by you. I think you are positively inspiring and I’m so glad that you’re back in action. If you need anything let me know, but I think youi’re a very strong person and I’m proud to be a part of your life.

  2. Amanda Says:

    post-script…it all worked out 🙂

  3. Kate Says:

    It was SO good to see you in person again! And it did work out, really well. Great reading. Keep on doing laps of the hall, stay strong, fight off that cold, see you soon….

  4. 2010 in review-something cool Wordpress does! « Firebirds and Phoenix Says:

    […] The busiest day of the year was January 17th with 60 views. The most popular post that day was facing new challenges. […]

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